Happy Third Cancerversary!

It's three years to the day that I was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma! Hooray for being alive and to (at least) another three years! It's been an interesting journey to say the least and while there have been many low points there have also been many high points along the way.

Being ill has changed me as a person and it made me grow up a lot and realise I wouldn't get anywhere in life unless I worked hard and went out and did it for myself. I've also realised how vital family and friends are and I doubt I would be where I am today without them, so a massive thank you to any of you that still bother to read this!

While I have lost a number of friends, none of them are forgotten and there are so many people that I'm glad I've met, who I would never have known if I hadn't been ill. It's been a real eye opener to how hard doctors, nurses (and all those who work in the health service) work. I have many people to thank for the care they have given me, and while I still have three more years before I'm given the official all clear I know I'm in capable hands.

I've done a ton of stuff in the past three years, as having cancer has really inspired me to take every opportunity in life! (A bit like the Jim Carrey film 'Yes Man' but sadly lacking Zoey Deschanel). It's also led to me realising that I need to actually put effort into things, which has paid off, resulting in me getting straight As in my A-levels. Instead of going to university this year I've decided to take a year out and go travelling in January, starting with Australia for three months!  Until then I'm attempting to start my own business, as a business consultant for small local businesses in my area (warning- shameless plug ahead!) so if anyone runs a small local business and is in need of business advice on what to do next or how to expand their business please contact me via my website! http://www.nurtureconsulting.co.uk

My main aim has been to not let having cancer hold me back in life, so I think I've done alright with that so far, in the past three years I've-

- Gone back to sixth form after a year out and got straight As
- Met some of the best people who are now great friends
- Helped raise over £40000 for charity
- Done a speech at the Royal Albert Hall
- Had an interview at Oxford University
- Flown a helicopter on my own
- Visited Athens and Rome
- Driven two supercars at over 150mph (on a track....) (Onwards to 200mph now though!)
- Been to Leeds Festival twice, and Glastonbury (I will cry like a child if I don't get a ticket for next year though!)
- Had an interview and worked for a few weeks at a top professional services firm in London
- Made it three years since my initial diagnosis
- And last but not least set up my own business!

Here's to three more years!

I was a free man!

On the night of the 4th of April 2011, I finally got home. To my own home, my own room and my own bed. It was frankly amazing to be home and simple things such as seeing my cat again and having a double bed again made me so happy. I don't think I've ever been so happy to be home! It was bliss.

I was still very weak though and I could only eat small portions but I was slowly building my appetite back up. The reason my appetite was so poor was because while I was being fed through my port, my stomach was completely bypassed, meaning that it shrunk, so to suddenly start eating again came as a shock to my body and it would take some time for it to get back to normal.

My consultant still wanted to see me, so every week I had to go with to Leeds for a check-up. I was still at risk of catching an infection or for my kidneys or liver to stop working, so I was confined to being with a few people at a time until my bloods were high enough. I wasn't properly allowed anywhere busy for the next three months.

I tried everyday to get out and do something, starting with walks around my village. Being a bit lazy I often couldn't be bothered to walk very far but I started talking photos while I was out and I think in many ways I appreciated how beautiful the area around where I live is.

Also it was sunny! I found this strange having been stuck inside from the beginning of March!
April 2011.

Roughly a week after I had left hospital Sarah came to visit. We didn't really do all that much, mainly because I was limited as to where I could go but we spent ages doing this huge jigsaw Sarah had got me to keep me occupied in hospital, which we eventually got finished at about 4am one morning! We also went for walks around where I live a lot. It was amazing to see her again after the time before, when I'd been attached to a drip and very ill.

Sarah and I. I looked pretty pasty after a month of being in hospital!
April 2011.

I also properly started to learn to drive, which in many ways was very strange for me. I could drive around Hull while learning but I wasn't allowed to get out in case of infection! I spent a lot of my time reading and I started doing more painting for once, now that I had the time! It was like being an old person haha! 

I saw many things differently after my high dose chemotherapy and Beth passing away. I realised that you only get to live one life and there's no point wasting any of it. I realised I have to make the most of it, because none of us are here forever. If you want something, go for it. I knew I was still very very weak and ill. Even a small infection could still kill me, but I also knew that I had to struggle through this to be able to live the rest of my life. Cancer had taken 7 months of my life so far and it had also taken my friend's life. I knew that I would have plenty of time to make up for when I was well, and I decided I would grasp everything in life, take every opportunity, do everything 100%, never give up and to always try and do things that bit better. I also decided I had to give something back to all the people who'd helped me. 

I was told by my consultant that although I had finished my chemotherapy, as soon as my bloods were higher I would begin radiotherapy. The idea of this would be to kill off any remaining cancer cells in my main tumour. I was to begin this at the beginning of June, when my bloods should hopefully be high enough. 

Onwards and upwards!

Always With Me

This is probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever had to write. Today is going to be about one of my friends I met on Ward 78. I know words or pictures could never do her justice but I'll give it my best.

Beth Fitzpatrick loved to sing, dance and act. She loved Wicked!, Legally Blonde and any other musical you could think of! By the age of 14 she had performed on stage numerous times, had performed in the West End. She was 14 when she was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer called Neurodocrine carcinoma which is normally only found in adults. It was in her pancreas, stomach lymph nodes and liver. She began her chemotherapy on Christmas Eve 2010.

Beth Fitzpatrick
October 2010.

I first heard of Beth when I was in for my chemotherapy on the 27th of December 2010. She was a new name on the board with all the patients in at the time on and I wondered who she was. Over the next few months she was to become my closest friend on the ward. I taught her and her Mum, Alison, as much as I could about being stuck on the ward. I let them know that you feel a lot better if you get up and get showered when you can and that getting into the dayroom was the best way to pass the time.

Because of where Beth's tumours where she was always a lot sicker than me, often throwing up and being unable to eat. I have to say I often felt sorry for her because she was younger than me and I wish it had been me that had been throwing up and unable to eat rather than her.

Beth's first scan results in January revealed that her tumours had stayed the same and the chemotherapy hadn't shrunk them, but they hadn't grown at all and the sickness which was being caused by the tumours in her stomach had lessened slightly.

She continued with chemotherapy and was very ill. She got many infections and needed blood transfusions. I helped as best I could, telling Beth and her Mum to ask the nurses to start them as early in the morning as possible so they can get home quicker, and showing them how to work out how much longer the blood would take to infuse. Waiting for blood or hydration to finish is the most boring waiting game you can imagine.

Beth's Mum, Alison (Left), Beth (Centre) and Beth's Dad, Ed (Right)

We also had many laughs on the ward, watching Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and laughing at some of their names! My Mum and Beth's Mum supported each other and me and Beth both knew when they'd been for a cry because they'd come back with red eyes and they would both still deny it! Our chemotherapy always seemed to be on at the same time every few weeks so she became one of my closest friends on the ward.

She was in with an infection when I started my high dose chemotherapy (at the beginning of March 2011) and she was very ill, being confined to an isolation room. She had scans on all her tumours in mid March.

Beth Fitzpatrick and Angela Griffin at the Ward 78 Official Opening
19th March 2011.

The ward was officially opened on Friday the 19th of March 2011. It had already been running for about 8 months but this was the official opening attended by the press. Both Beth and I got interviewed by the press and we both got our photos taken with Angela Griffin, who was opening the ward.

On Monday the 21st of March Beth received her scan results. They showed that her tumours had spread and her liver was starting to fail, causing her body to stop draining fluid. She was told that there was nothing they could do and that she was dying. They offered her surgery on her liver but there was a chance she would die during the operation and they also offered her more chemotherapy but she refused both. She'd had enough of hospitals and of being ill and decided to go home. 

Sometime the bravest thing to do isn't to fight on. Sometimes the bravest thing is knowing when to stop.

I remember sitting in room 8 and my Mum coming in crying. She told me that Beth was going home. I wasn't allowed out of my room because I had no defence against infections and Beth decided not to come see me because she was worried about upsetting me. I tried to get out my room to see her but I wasn't allowed because if I got an infection I would most likely die. Not leaving my isolation room to see Beth one last time will always be the biggest regret of my life.

Beth spent the next two weeks with her parents, listening to her favourite music and just being with her family. She slept a lot, but she wasn't in any pain.

On the evening of the 2nd of April, Beth said goodnight to her parents and told her she loved them, before going to sleep.

On Sunday the 3rd of April, Beth gave her Mum her card she had spent three hours making for her. She passed away that morning.

It was Mother's Day. 

Beth Fitzpatrick on Ward 78.
March 2011.

Not a day goes by where I don't think about you Beth. You've taught me to make the most of my life, to dance and sing as much as I can and to enjoy whatever I do. You've inspired me in everything I do and you've showed me the true meaning of bravery. You've taught me never to waste an opportunity and made me appreciate everything I have so much more. You'll always be in my heart.

RIP Beth Fitzpatrick.