Happy Third Cancerversary!

It's three years to the day that I was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma! Hooray for being alive and to (at least) another three years! It's been an interesting journey to say the least and while there have been many low points there have also been many high points along the way.

Being ill has changed me as a person and it made me grow up a lot and realise I wouldn't get anywhere in life unless I worked hard and went out and did it for myself. I've also realised how vital family and friends are and I doubt I would be where I am today without them, so a massive thank you to any of you that still bother to read this!

While I have lost a number of friends, none of them are forgotten and there are so many people that I'm glad I've met, who I would never have known if I hadn't been ill. It's been a real eye opener to how hard doctors, nurses (and all those who work in the health service) work. I have many people to thank for the care they have given me, and while I still have three more years before I'm given the official all clear I know I'm in capable hands.

I've done a ton of stuff in the past three years, as having cancer has really inspired me to take every opportunity in life! (A bit like the Jim Carrey film 'Yes Man' but sadly lacking Zoey Deschanel). It's also led to me realising that I need to actually put effort into things, which has paid off, resulting in me getting straight As in my A-levels. Instead of going to university this year I've decided to take a year out and go travelling in January, starting with Australia for three months!  Until then I'm attempting to start my own business, as a business consultant for small local businesses in my area (warning- shameless plug ahead!) so if anyone runs a small local business and is in need of business advice on what to do next or how to expand their business please contact me via my website! http://www.nurtureconsulting.co.uk

My main aim has been to not let having cancer hold me back in life, so I think I've done alright with that so far, in the past three years I've-

- Gone back to sixth form after a year out and got straight As
- Met some of the best people who are now great friends
- Helped raise over £40000 for charity
- Done a speech at the Royal Albert Hall
- Had an interview at Oxford University
- Flown a helicopter on my own
- Visited Athens and Rome
- Driven two supercars at over 150mph (on a track....) (Onwards to 200mph now though!)
- Been to Leeds Festival twice, and Glastonbury (I will cry like a child if I don't get a ticket for next year though!)
- Had an interview and worked for a few weeks at a top professional services firm in London
- Made it three years since my initial diagnosis
- And last but not least set up my own business!

Here's to three more years!

You'll Never Walk Alone

I'm going to take a bit of time out today and write about something else before continuing with my high dose. Today I'm going to write about how my then girlfriend, Sarah, helped me.

Sarah and I at Rosedale, North Yorkshire.
It was bloody cold.
October 2010.



Sarah was 16 at the time of my diagnosis and although she lived 200 miles away from me we had been together a year and a half. When I had to tell her three weeks before her 17th birthday, that I had cancer and that I might be dying I felt like my life was collapsing. I don't imagine it's ever easy to tell someone, but to tell someone at such a young age was something I wish I'd never had to do. I never want to hear anyone cry like she did the first time I told her, it was so awful for me to hear. I felt so awful for being the cause of her pain.

I was so terrified of dying and I had no idea what I'd do if I was. Sarah would always be the one who I spoke to about this, no matter what time. I honestly can't remember the amount of times I rang her at 3am so upset and worried about dying. She was always there for me.

When I lost my hair in hospital and she saw what I looked like bald, she cried so much but she was always there to support me when I needed it. She was one of the only people to see me when my face was covered in spots and she tried her best to make me feel better about it, although I still thought I looked like the creature from the black lagoon!

Sarah and I again (well in my mind anyway).

She was a constant support and helped me all the way, even to the detriment of her AS levels, which she is now resitting along with me! We spent New Year together and she came to see me at every available opportunity. When she wasn't able to visit because of work or sixth form we would spent quite literally hours on the phone everyday, and I knew I could (and still can) talk to her about absolutely anything that was worrying me.

Sarah also has custody of my sperm, meaning that in the event of my death she would be able to use it to have my children, meaning that even if I die I can still have children. I've always found the idea of this slightly strange but also quite interesting. How many other people can claim to maintain the ability to have kids after they've died?

I would've done anything to have spared Sarah from having to go through everything with me, I even considered leaving her when I was diagnosed so she didn't have to. But she said she wanted to help me as much as possible. In many ways it was even worse for her than it was for me. I had charities such as Teenage Cancer Trust there to support me but there isn't anyone to support partners of cancer patients, except for their families and friends. This often means a lot of pressure is on the girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife and they often need someone to turn to themselves.

I'd like to say thank you to Sarah's friends and family for supporting her support me. I'd also like to say thank you to one last person. Sarah. She cared for me and told me everything would be okay, even though she sometimes didn't believe it herself. I'll always be grateful to her and she's still the person I fall back on for everything. I'd be completely lost without her.

Thank you Sarah.

Symptoms and Diagnosis

Me and my then girlfriend (now best friend), Sarah.

London, August 2010.

Many people consider the end of compulsory education an important point in their life. With many young people being given their first taste of the working world and many others taking the first steps towards what they wish to do in the future it is an important time in anyone's life. In my case, it turned out to be even more so! Today I'm going to be covering my initial diagnosis and the symptoms I had before it, which should be enough for today!

My first proper symptom seemed innocent enough, an unusual pain in my right knee which seemed to come and go. I first started to get it around early May, just as I was starting my GCSE exams. I went to the doctors' with it but they didn't think anything of it and put me on some painkillers for the time being. After about two weeks the pain subsided and then disappeared completely. I didn't really think anything of it at the time and soon forgot about it. It wasn't until the beginning of June that it returned, somewhat more severe this time, keeping me up at night on a number of occasions! My bit of advice for anyone is if a pain is anywhere near this bad, go to your Doctor! Don't wait and see how it goes, don't worry that you're wasting their time (it's their job to deal with this kind of thing!) and most of all don't just ignore it.

Once again it went away after about two weeks and I forgot about it. I was unusually tired throughout my exams, but it isn't out of the ordinary for teenagers to be lazy and not really want to get out of bed so no one really took notice. Some days I would arrive home at about 4pm and sleep through until half past 6. Only later on did I realise that this was caused by the cancer sapping my energy as it grew.

I finished school at the end of June and went to our school prom looking rather dapper if I may say so myself! 

 

Josh and I on the left and Ruth and I at our school prom. Hi Ruth and Josh!

July 2010.

The summer holidays proved to be fantastic, if carlsberg did summer holidays this is what they would be like! At the beginning of August my doctor referred me for physiotherapy on my knee, my first appointment was to be on the 31st August. It wasn't until the second week of August that I noticed my next symptom. A large swelling on the right side of my lower back. My Mum booked me in for a doctor's appointment (My Mum is literally the best!) and we went to visit the doctor again on the 19th of August. He told me to ring up and book an ultrasound, but didn't appear too worried about the lump. Me being a 16 year old lad at the time got my Mum to ring up and book it. She was told the waiting list would be six weeks but she was worried about what it could be so did everything she could to get it as soon as possible. Luckily I managed to get a cancellation on the 31st of August. This would prove to be a very significant date in my life. 

It started off like any other day. I remember being on the phone to a bloke from Karoo trying to fix my internet, only to discover I'd put in the router password wrong! I went to the physiotherapy in the morning and the nurse gave me a list of exercises to do to help with the knee pain. She wrongly assumed it was a disease called Osgood-Schlatter disease, something to do with the growth plate in my knee not growing quickly enough. I can't for the life of me remember what I did in the time between then and my later ultrasound at Castle Hill hospital! It was later on in the afternoon that I went for my ultrasound. 

I was lead into a quiet room (my God that sounds dodgy when I read it back) and told to take my top off (O heck even worse!).  They scanned the lump with the ultrasound but it wouldn't fully fit onto the ultrasound screen. The doctor immediately took me for an x-ray of my pelvis and I didn't really think anything of it. Doctors are amazing actors sometimes, they are almost impossible to read. My Mum however, was a nurse and realised something was up but didn't say anything. This was then followed by a CT scan of my lungs, although they didn't tell me what they were scanning so as not to worry me or my Mum.

I realised something was wrong when the woman who did my CT scan wouldn't look me in the eye and tried to make small talk about my phone. Something wasn't quite right. The doctor took my Mum and I into a small side room. We sat down and she told me that there was something "not very nice" on the right side of my pelvis. She told me that it was most likely an aggressive malignant tumour. Medical speak for cancer and an aggressive one at that. I asked if I would be okay, and then answer was that they didn't know. They knew it was aggressive and that I was dying. The only way I would live was a very very harsh chemotherapy regime at least and potentially surgery or radiotherapy. It was like staring death in the face. And there was no way I was going to back down or give in without a fight. 

I don't think anyone in my family slept at all that night. I know that I didn't even close my eyes.